The Last Word: Of Dropped Calls and Honking Geese

A typical cell phone conversation in our home:

Me: Hello.

The other person on the call: Blxtr … rrbppt… melepxxt.

Me: I have a bad cell. Let me call you back.

By then, however, the cell signal has already dropped and the recipient of the call does not hear my plan. When I try to call back, I get a message on my phone’s screen that cell service is not available; if the other person tries to call me, it either goes directly to voicemail or he or she just hears a blank void, the chasm of really bad cell service.

It is a common occurrence at our home in Jonesboro, east of the Arkansas State University campus and smack dab between the city’s airport and the Northeast Arkansas Baptist Memorial Hospital.

The same thing happens with internet connections on my wife’s phone and mine. We do not have internet hookup at home and instead rely on the phones’ mobile data to bring us news, sports and whatever memes are trending on Facebook and the platform formerly known as Twitter.

While the rest of the world thrives in the 21st century, we live about 200 years in the past when it comes to high-tech communications. I could understand this better if we lived in some rural Ozark town where the signal is blocked by mountains and the only cell tower is down yonder, but this is Jonesboro, a city of 80,000 or so.

I thought the problem might lie with the phone carrier itself. I do not want to name names other than to say there are times when I would like to, um, boost the phone out of the window.

I checked with those living around our neighborhood about their phone connections. A woman who lives near us said her mother has to go outside to make calls. A bail bondsman nearby also has trouble making calls. Both have different carriers than we do.

There are days I have to stand outside in a certain spot in the backyard where the internet seems to work and I can check sports scores. When my wife visited her aunt in Chicago and we checked in by phone each evening during her absence, I had to drive to the hospital’s parking lot to ensure the calls would go through.

Once, when doing an interview for a story in Arkansas Money & Politics, I sat in the fair-reception area of my backyard. My questions were interrupted by a flock of honking Canada geese flying overhead. I am sure it sounded very professional.

Lately, we have discovered that, at times, we can get a decent signal in the garage. The good news is that I do not have to drive off to make calls anymore. The bad news is that the garage is not air conditioned and this summer, when temperature hit the 90s and above, it was like making calls in some Turkish bathhouse while an overaggressive attendant constantly poured water on the steaming rocks.

There are many theories on why the phone does not fare well at home. When the service increased to 5G, it seemed the problems intensified. Maybe the nearby airport was blocking the phone signals because they interfered with airport communications. Maybe the same thing was going on at the hospital, especially in the midst of the COVID epidemic when telemedicine grew and medical care was done more by phone.

Maybe it was a lack of the right cell towers. Who knows?

A study of cell phone providers shows that nearly 99 percent of Arkansas is covered by one carrier or another. I guess my home makes up part of that 1 percent.

I called the city’s communications director and asked him if he had any ideas. He said the city has “no radio zones,” areas where cell signals cannot work for whatever reason. It is not as intense as the famous “quiet zone” in West Virginia, where all phone and internet services are nonexistent due to a large scientific observation facility, but there are void spots in Jonesboro, he said.

All I know is we would get better phone reception if we used a string and two tin cans.

We thought about buying a signal booster to mount on the roof. The phone carrier suggested it during a recent call to them for help. At least, I think that is what they said. The call dropped during the conversation.

With my luck, I would fall off the roof and break a leg while trying to install the booster. My wife would try to call the ambulance but not be able to get through. I would end up having to hop to the hospital for treatment.

We may end up trying the phone booster. We may change phone carriers. I may get a long string and more tin cans for better reception. At least fall is approaching, and it will be cooler in the garage, where I can make calls that are not interrupted by honking geese.